Integrity
When we have a victim mindset, we give ourselves the freedom to make poor decisions. We internalize a narrative of personal doom: that everything is hopeless, that no one loves us, and that we will not achieve our goals. By internalizing this narrative we give ourselves the license to live without discipline, to give way to our impulses, and to sabotage ourselves.
It also works in the other direction. When we give in to our impulses, we are tempted to find a worldview that justifies our actions. By grounding our impulsivity in some sort of metaphysical truth, we use our vices to give ourselves moral superiority.
For example, I have been telling myself every day for the past week that “tomorrow I will fast.” I fast from time to time to make sure I am the one who is the master of my relationship with food, and to reap the numerous health benefits that arise from fasting. When I tell myself I am going too fast, and then fail to do so the next day, I erode my trust in myself, and thereby my integrity. If I am in a place where I only keep promises that I make to others, and not those that I make to myself, then that’s proof that I care more about the opinions of others than I do my regard for myself. This is low-integrity behavior—extrapolated into more extreme circumstances it could lead to situations where I do the wrong thing because others think it’s right, rather than doing the right thing when others think it’s wrong, which is what I want to be doing.
Going forward, I will be much more explicit about the promises I make to myself. If I tell myself I am going to fast the next day, then I am committed, even if it is a mistake. Why? Because the price of being overly hungry and neurotic one day beats the price of having a shallow character. I cannot hope to inspire others to a high degree of integrity and leadership if I cannot exercise such over myself.
And yes, I told myself earlier that I would fast tomorrow. And exercise too.
An addendum about willpower
Everything I said above is pretty straightforward. However, during stressful times it is difficult to find the motivation to live in a way that isn’t expedient. Where does the motivation to live well come from? For me, there are three things I have found that motivate me:
Accountability
When others are relying on me, and this relationship is explicit, there is absolutely 0% chance that I am going to screw things up. I hate letting others down. When vagueness gets added in, however, the motivation I derive from accountability decreases, leading to procrastination and mediocrity.
Attention from the opposite sex
When I am aware that what I am doing is making me a more attractive potential partner and I am getting positive feedback from members of the opposite sex, this serves as a huge motivator for me to work even harder. It’s not rocket science to understand why a man who makes a lot of money, has a healthy body, and is living by his values would be attractive to a woman.
By dismissing these factors with narratives like “the dating scene is too toxic right now” and “I haven’t met any women who interest me,” it’s easy to stay in a low-energy state and not give a shit. The price I would be paying for my inaction is immeasurable: no family, die alone.
Progress
Progress is a great motivator, and its lack is the soul eater. It’s easy to slip into the abyss of stagnation. We must rage against the dying of the light. We MUST be better tomorrow than we were today. This is how great societies are built.
Living without discipline is no way to live. But sometimes I feel like discipline is disgraceful too: like it’s a form of self-abuse. On the 8th hour of the fast. On the 12th mile of the run. To this, I say: I will never abuse myself! I will only inject energy into the system, and use that energy to do things that are hard.
An addendum about unconventionality
Unconventional thinking is great for solving specific problems, but one can quickly become over-identified with it. In many cases, it creates tons of room for excuses, for taking the easy way out. You can go to Dairy Queen three times a day because you are “carb-smashing.” You isolate yourself from the people around you because you believe that you think differently from them and that they cannot understand your unconventional ways. It is important to not let your weaknesses weaponize your unconventionality and to use it as a shield from the accountability of others.
There is a fuzzy line where accountability turns into the pressure to conform. A detailed philosophy is needed to distinguish between accountability and conformity. We must know when to push back on those who keep us accountable, but to not do so to the point where the feedback loop breaks down completely. One who thinks unconventionally should not be afraid to confront others directly with their unconventional views if they are closer to the truth. I am skeptical of why I feel pressured to hide my unconventional views. Am I using them as an excuse? If they are my true values, then I should wear them on my sleeve so that they may attract those who share them, and ward off those who don’t.