What is it that I'm looking for, after all?

Someone once told me that the best way to get what you want is to deserve it. Second, one needs to ask for it, rather than waiting for it to happen. The universe alone can decide whether or not I deserve what I seek. Hence, this post is focused on the second part of this equation: stating what I’m looking for. I’m looking for a person: hopefully, someone I could marry.

Who is she? Well, the first thought that comes to mind is that she’s probably pretty tough to describe. I’d have to meet her in person to get what she’s truly about. Nonetheless, I have to make an attempt. Three words: she is adventurous, witty, and incisive. A woman with agency! That is, someone who likes to do stuff, and is thoughtful about where they devote their energy.

It would be amazing to have a girlfriend capable of seeing past the desire to conform to the opinions of those around her, while loving those she disagrees with. A girlfriend who is strong willed and strong worded, but engages in conflict only as a way to elevate those around her.

I want to find someone willing to strive for pain in the name of spiritual growth and purification of perspective. Not a masochist, however. Rather, I’m looking for someone who burns laziness (both intellectual and physical) to the ground and has the will to overcome it. I want to join someone in pure action towards a deeper meaning in life. To challenge my sense of self so that it may die, and a stronger one be born, over and over again. Show me someone who does not fear the truth, yet knows how to tell it in such a way that the best things happen as a result.

Help me find the most based person: a creative force, a ball of energy. Love perhaps, but not the naïve kind that’s based on lies, self-deception, and rose-colored glasses. Whoever, wherever she is, she will need no distortion to manifest her beauty.

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Why now? I won’t be 23 forever. It’s easier to raise kids when you’re young and resilient.